As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
