I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
