i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
