where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
