she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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