He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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