He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
NoShamevember. You game?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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