he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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