Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
