My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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