a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
