yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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