So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
