and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I must be too annoying 4 u.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
