My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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