Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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