I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
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I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
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I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
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