So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
