To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
