Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
