This girl is more easily done than said...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
