my mouth tastes like poor choices
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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