yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
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Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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