I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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