don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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