meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
