You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
