I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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