hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
