counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
