So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
