She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
