so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
