i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
