That's when you crack a 10am beer
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
