there's paper in my vomit.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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