like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
