I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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