I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
