he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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