Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
she peed on how many people?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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