ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
