i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
a search helicopter?!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
