Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
