oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
