This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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