I swear god or herbie drove my car home
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
