I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
