the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My dad just said "fuck circus"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize