Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't put those talents on a resume
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
