Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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