Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
