1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
