Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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