There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
