he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
