I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
