Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
