i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I showed him my bush... on skype.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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