Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize