please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
