I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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