Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
