she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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