just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I am mentally ready for anal.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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