I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
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I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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