are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
