she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
