What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
