i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
