white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
