It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
