Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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